Vaid‘s Verdict: If you’d like to read six word memoirs from random strangers and B-List celebrities, I suggest a trip to the bathroom stalls of your local pub. Otherwise you can purchase the same level of wisdom in “Not Quite What I Was Planning.”

According to legend, Ernest Hemingway once bet his colleagues that he could write a complete work of fiction using just six words. The master of brevity came through with “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Six words described the conception, life and death of a human being and the parents who were parting with his little shoes. Absolutely brilliant. So SMITH, an online storytelling magazine, decided to challenge its readers and the internet public to do the same. Unfortunately, most of the people who submitted thought they should try and explain who they are, what they like or their entire life’s story in six words. The problem is, no one cares. Not even if you get Joan Rivers to add a quote in there. The reason Hemingway’s story works so well is because it’s an actual story…it creates a timeline in your mind from start to middle and finish. What “story” do the six words “Not quite what I was planning” tell you? That’s right, nothing.

The other issue is, if you choose to publish six word memoirs of amateur writers and celebrities, you need to give your readers some background on these people or their memoirs have very little meaning. Take for instance, “Brought it to a boil, often.” I suppose if you want to stretch your imagination you can say, ‘this person has continually challenged themselves, they probably have a short temper etc.’ Add the author’s name – Mario Batali, world renowned Iron Chef – to the end of the quote and suddenly, it makes a lot more sense. Chef. Boil. Kitchen. Heat. Very clever. The only reason it works is because Batali is famous. For the unknowns in this book, their stories come across more like bumper stickers than poignant retellings of their life. Try “Cursed with cancer. Blessed with friends.” Okay, the person has cancer, it’s hard – luckily they have people around them who care. Not much of a story…until you read the introduction and find out that the person who wrote that is a 9-year-old girl who survived thyroid cancer. It’s still not witty or profound but just by the words used – “cursed” and “blessed” for instance – you have a much clearer picture of the life and beliefs of this little girl.

That’s not to say that Not Quite What I Was Planning doesn’t have some redeeming quotes, but if the publisher had put them in a more readable format – as a desk calendar for instance – you’d have two or three quotes a day that allow you a glimpse into someone else’s life…instead of a thousand quotes one after the other that simply numbs you to their stories.

Here are a few that get the imagination going:

“Girlfriend is pregnant, my husband said.” – Shoanna MacDonald

“Never really finished anything – except cake.” – Carletta Perkins

“Legs spread, I withheld my intelligence.” – Christine Granados

“Well, I thought it was funny.” – Stephen Colbert

“Age eleven: became a middle child.” – Matt Farrell

“There will be no beautiful corpse.” – Sharon Lewis

Oh, and if you’re going to advertise “quotes by famous authors” on the front, at least index the authors so people picking this off a bookshelf can skip straight to Rivers, Joan:

“Liars, hysterectomy didn’t improve sex life.”