Ah ‘Ken Lee.’ One of my favourite Mariah Carey ballads. Don’t know it? Well, now you can make your ears bleed and pee your pants all at the same time. It’s no wonder Bulgaria does so well at Eurovision…

Sing with me “tulibu dibu douchoo…ken leeeeee”

Oh, and if you’d like to lose all faith in humanity, watch her receive applause from a crowd of people.

Though I must say, you gotta give credit where credit’s due. It takes guts to go out in a ball gown and sing Mariah Carey like you’re Porkey Pig’s granddaughter. I respect a woman who can belt out “you alwees smile lolly nigh yo sorra show” and still receive thunderous applause.

But what the hell are we clapping for? Is this the Special Olympics of singing? Should we be proud of the human spirit that despite her obvious tone deafness, lack of pitch and complete destruction of lyrics, she prevails through sheer perseverance? What are we clapping at people?! Someone help me!